


In My Place

by TheGreatCatsby



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Car Accidents, Future Fic, M/M, bringing someone back from death, daisuga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8135704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: If the people he loved were safe, that's all that mattered. Even if it came at a steep price, Suga would be happy.





	

_“If you could sell your soul, is there anything you’d give it up for?”_

_“Don’t be funny, Daichi. The price of a soul is too high.”_

_“I’m not being funny. I’m curious.”_

_“Isn’t this too deep for over-ramen conversation? Is that tea fermented? Is it making you drunk?”_

_“Suga, I’m not drunk. I’m just...I just wondered.”_

_“Hmm...okay, Serious Daichi. If I had to trade my soul for anything--you don’t know any mysterious old people who would make such a deal, do you?”_

_“Of course not!”_

_“Okay, well, if I had to trade my soul for anything it would probably be...so that everyone I care about would be safe.”_

_“Even if you weren’t happy?”_

_“I would be, wouldn’t I?”_

*

It rained for a week after the accident. Suga arrived at the cemetery with flowers dripping all over the floor. Daichi’s ashes were kept indoors, in a mausoleum. The rain battered the roof, drowning out the calming music that the well-meaning employees played to give the place a calm atmosphere. That music made Suga want to be sick. 

The death date had been etched into stone. September 21, 2016. There were flowers in front of Daichi’s grave. Suga stepped forward, meaning to lay his own flowers gently on the floor, but they slipped out of his hand and scattered. 

Suga pressed his hand to his mouth, choking back a sob. He couldn’t even bring the flowers properly. He couldn’t even do that, and it was his fault that Daichi had died. 

He’d been stuck at his job at the florist’s, unable to get lunch. He’d asked Daichi to bring him food. On the way, Daichi’s car got hit by another car that sped through a red light. The call Suga got wasn’t from Daichi saying he was on his way, or standing outside the shop, but from Daichi’s mother. 

“There was an accident. He’s gone.” 

Suga’s legs gave out from underneath him, like they had that day. He’d fallen onto the floor of the flower shop, trying not to throw up, shaking. His boss found him, pulled him up and steered him into the back room. 

He found himself kneeling in the middle of his wrecked flowers, hands shaking as he picked them up one by one. 

_Please, I would give anything to have him back. He doesn’t deserve this. It should have been me. It was my fault. Please._

There were no more flowers to pick up. Suga placed his bouquet next to the other and pulled himself to his feet. It was still raining, but he didn’t bother to pull up his hood as he trudged back to his car. 

*

That night he had a dream. It felt real. 

Suga woke up, went into the kitchen to make breakfast, and stopped in his tracks when he saw Daichi sitting at the table. 

Daichi, alive and smiling right at him. Before Suga could open his mouth, Daichi asked, “Did you mean it?” 

“Daichi,” Suga breathed. 

“Did you mean it?” Daichi repeated. “That you would give anything?” 

Suga nodded. “Please. Please come back.” 

“I’m not him,” Daichi said, “but if I were, I would never let you make this decision. But you’re both young, and young people have the greatest flexibility in life, right? He wouldn’t even know.” 

“I don’t care,” Suga said, taking a step closer. The thing that looked like Daichi kept smiling. 

“I know. You don’t care about doing something sensible like living your life, moving on the way he’d want you to.” Suga flinched, but the thing continued, “He showed you that you were worth loving. Good enough. But now he’s gone. Maybe you’re strong enough to believe that even when he’s not here, but you can also be blind when it comes to the people you love. Maybe if you gave it a few more days…” Not-Daichi tilted his head to the side, calculating. Suga shivered. 

“It’s Daichi,” he said. “I love him.” 

“He loves you,” Not-Daichi said. “With this world, there is give and take. You can’t bring someone back without losing someone else. You can’t have two people alive when only one was meant to be here. Do you understand what I’m saying?” 

“I-I’m not sure,” Suga admitted, but he felt cold all over. 

“Trade one thing for another to balance things out. What will you trade for his life?” 

Suga remembered a conversation he’d had with Daichi a long time ago, one of their first dates. “My soul?” 

Not-Daichi’s smile grew wider. He showed too many teeth, and Suga became aware of feeling like whatever this was, it was wearing Daichi like a mask. “Your life.” 

Suga swallowed. He would do anything for Daichi. He really would. But his life? 

“Whose life is worth more?” Not-Daichi asked. “You both believe the answer is the other.” 

“How do you know that?” Suga snapped. 

Not-Daichi shrugged. 

Suga tried to imagine his life without Daichi. He tried to imagine what he could bring to the world that Daichi couldn’t, but if he was brutally honest, he didn’t know. Daichi volunteered to coach high school volleyball teams. He wanted to become a physical therapist to help people with sports injuries, while coaching on the side. He had an internship lined up, and a loving family. 

Suga had the job at the florist’s because he couldn’t find a proper job. His mother claimed that she believed in him and his father thought he was a disappointment. Suga wanted to become a counsellor, but getting through the course was hard when he felt like he was so much less than his peers. It was Daichi who had encouraged him. Who told him that he was just as good as those other people and that one day he would make it. 

“It’s the truth,” Daichi had said. 

Suga wanted to believe it, but without Daichi around it was hard. Wouldn’t he be helping the person he loved and everyone around him more if Daichi was alive? 

What did that thing mean by his life? Would he have to die? Was it a form of signing his soul away? 

“What do you mean?” 

“Whatever you think it means.” 

He had an opportunity. Even if after he made a decision, he would cease to exist, Suga felt like he couldn’t let this go to waste. They were young. They had more flexibility. Suga wanted to do something with his life, to have it matter in some way. He had a way to make that possible right in front of him. 

“Yes,” he said. “I will.” 

Then he woke up. 

*

**[8:35am Daichi]:** You up yet? 

**[8:36am Suga]:** Daichi? 

**[8:36am Daichi]:** Who else would it be? I think someone needs their morning coffee! 

Suga sat up, dialing Daichi’s number. He pressed the phone to his ear, heart beating hard enough that he put his hand over his chest, as if that could keep it from bursting. 

“Hello?” 

Daichi sounded far too awake for the morning. Not sleepy at all, not like Suga would usually be. Suga’s eyes burned and he choked out, “Daichi?” 

“You have work today?” Daichi asked. Suga took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but it stuck in his throat. “Suga? Are you okay?” 

“I-I’m just tired,” Suga managed. “I think I have work today? D-do you have, um, work?” 

“Yeah, I’m actually on my way now,” Daichi said. “Busy day. So I’ll have to talk to you later but...is there a reason you called? Not that I don’t like hearing your voice but…” 

“N-No!” Suga cleared his throat. “I mean, I like h-hearing your voice too, Daichi. I just wanted to say...I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Daichi said, and Suga could practically hear the amused smile in his voice. “Have a good day, okay?” 

“You too.” 

Daichi hung up and Suga stared at the phone in his lap for several minutes before realizing something that made him jump. 

The date was a week earlier than when Suga had gone to sleep. September 21. 

The sun was shining. 

*

_“Suga, I think you should see someone.”_

_“I’m fine, Asahi. Really.”_

_“You just told me that you don’t think you’ll ever amount to anything. That isn’t right.”_

_“I just...I don’t know. I really don’t know what I’m doing. I wanted it so bad, but wanting things doesn’t make them happen, huh? Neither does working hard, apparently, because it’s not hard enough. Or having a genuine passion or--I’m sorry. I’m--”_

_“Don’t say sorry. Look, just because one university didn’t accept you doesn’t mean you don’t have others that will.”_

_“I know they will. But it’s not the best one. It’s not the one that my parents wanted me to go to. It’s not the one that I wanted to go to. And it’s so close to home…It’s not Tokyo.”_

_“It’s better than nothing. Look, Suga, Daichi’s going to Sendai, right? Maybe talk to him.”_

_“Daichi...thought I could get into Tokyo.”_

_“I don’t think it matters to him. I just think it would help to, I don’t know, I mean if you talked it would be easier. Don’t you trust Daichi?”_

_“It’s not about trust. It’s about...he believed in me.”_

_“Suga…”_

_“Well...I didn’t know anyone in Tokyo anyway. Aside from those volleyball guys.”_

_“See? Another reason why it’s not so bad to go to Sendai.”_

*

His looked annoyed, but that seemed to be his default facial expression. 

The true give-away to his mood was that he kept scratching his hair, dislodging strands from the ponytail that kept it away from his face. Suga felt hyper-aware of everything and found himself counting the strands. At least four good-sized pieces of hair were hanging in his boss’ face. He must have been really stressed. 

“We have a lot of big orders today,” his boss said with a sigh. “I actually have a family thing to deal with this morning. The best timing. Anyway, Sugawara-kun, I think you’ve been trained enough that you can start putting some of these together? I’ll be back before your lunch break…” 

“Of course.” 

His bossi nodded and headed out the door, already lighting a cigarette. Suga went into the back, leaving a bell on the front counter for any customers who came in looking for help. Orders were stacked in a pile on one side of the back counter, and Suga pulled the top sheet off. The arrangement looked familiar. 

He’d been stuck doing these the day Daichi had died, but on that day, his boss had been gone until the evening. That’s why Suga hadn’t had a lunch break. His fingers curled around the paper, crinkling the edges. 

Had that just been a dream? Had the whole thing been an incredibly detailed dream? The conversation with Not-Daichi, was that a dream inside a dream? 

He put the paper down and went to find the flowers for the arrangement. A wedding, he remembered, and he worked almost on autopilot putting the whole thing together. He remembered doing this before, so it was easy this time. He knew that if it had been just a dream, he shouldn’t have. Dreams didn’t come with such clarity. 

He was well into the second arrangement when his phone buzzed. 

**[11:01am Daichi]** : I forgot my lunch at home and don’t have time to get food before practice. Any chance you could bring me lunch? 

Suga stared at the text. Every muscle in his body suddenly felt tight. His hands felt cold and heavy. His breathing sped up and he could feel his heart racing. Last time it had been the other way around. He thought about the dream again. 

He could just refuse, but what would that mean? Would Daichi try to get a fast lunch and get into an accident again? He’d done that before, run out to get lunch in a rush even though driving in a rush wasn’t safe. 

Suga bit his lip. He was being irrational. There was no reason why he couldn’t bring Daichi lunch when his boss said that he’d be back in time for Suga’s break. 

**[11:05am Suga]:** Of course! Tell me what you’re in the mood for! :D 

His boss came back forty minutes later, after Suga had finished three arrangements. He was impressed, but Suga barely felt warmth from his boss’ approving grin as he headed out to his car. 

He got in the driver’s seat and turned the car on. His hands gripped the wheel tightly. He felt dizzy, his heart still going too fast. Jumpy, on edge, he didn’t want to drive like this. He shouldn’t have been afraid. 

Even if the dream had been true, it wasn’t like he regretted his choice. 

He took a deep breath. There was nothing he could do. He didn’t know what was reality. He only knew that right now, Daichi was alive. If something happened to him, he would accept it because Daichi was alive. If nothing happened, and that whole thing before had been a terrible nightmare, that would be for the best. 

But if something did happen…

It had been Suga’s choice. At least it was him, and not Daichi. 

He pulled onto the road and went to Daichi’s favorite tiny street food vender. He waited ten minutes for noodles and pork buns, and when he got back into the car the smell of food made his mouth water. Daichi would enjoy this lunch. 

Suga slowed down approaching the red light at a large intersection, but as he was about to stop, the light turned green. He sped up again, and just as he passed under the lights, something slammed into him and his head whacked into the steering wheel. 

It felt like he’d blinked and fallen asleep instead. He opened his eyes and saw shards of glass stained with red. A deep pain radiated from his chest and his stomach, the kind that took his breath away. When he finally managed to gasp, his chest heaved and he coughed, bringing up blood. 

He couldn’t hear anything except the slow pounding of his heart. The smell of pork buns mixed with the smell of blood and something sharp and burning. Suga felt his eyelids grow heavy and he closed his eyes. 

He opened them again, to see blue light reflected off the red glass. His entire body felt warm, the pain disappearing into something numb. He closed his eyes again. His ears filled with a rushing sound. 

But he smiled. 

At least it was him, and not Daichi. 


End file.
